Why does it happen to me!!

My dear Blog!

There are times in my life when I feel I am being dragged in a pool of mud.. with filth all over and staring and piercing eyes upon me.. and then there are times when I feel who else could be more pampered than ofcourse me!!
There are times when I feel I shud devote myself to mankind, humanity and for the wellbeing of others.. and that I shud leave my family, shud come out of my comfort zone, quit all luxuries and work for the mankind till the end of my life, till my last breath... and then there are times when I am running after money, after fame, after family, after love and after all other materialistic things like crazy.
There are times when I want to love.. to be loved.. and I want to cherish each moment of being loved.. and then there are times when I feel marriages/love are not meant for me and I ain't meant for it either

NO I ain't confused!! I know better than anybody else what I am doing and what I am into... it's just that I can't leave my family, I can't be a saint.. and on the flip side of it, I can't see poors dragging n' crawling, babies crying on roads, beggeres begging from every alternate civilian, illetrate adults, sex workers, labors sweating under the sun tying a dirty cloth on their stomach...

But there are my parents, my siblings, my relatives, my nation, my surroundings who all have struggled hard, have sacrificed their own comfort and luxuries in order to create a person what I am today.. in order to make me reach till this height... in order to make eaverything possible for me, make every path traceable, make every zenith reachable.. they all have expectations from me.. what right have I got to crush all that mercilessly and go n feed others' mouth.. letting thr eyes go wet with tears day in and day out.
Gawd I feel the pinch.. I feel the pressure.. I feel the reponsibility I have never had to feel till now.. and I ain't one of those who give up so easily or run from thr responsibilities on the mere mention of it

There are times when analytical minds annoy me more than anything else, and then there are times when I wish everybody on earth looks upto me.. finds me worthy enough to judge, to expect from, to ask from.. and I find it soothing enough to my ego!
There are times when I am flying high.. feeling lighter and lighter.. and all of a sudden find my dreams broken.. my wings burnt in the heat of jealousy/hatred.. and darkness everywhere

I just pray God to bestow upon me enough strength to keep myself moving... and I know I need to move fast. I know I need to be known even after I am dead.. and that too for a good cause.. but I dun want to die early.. wish I could get hold of time. wish I could decide the end of my life.. wish I could take all the decisions for my life and could prevent it from being hampered by anything else going around.

Heard on TV y'day that at a given time, only 5% ppl in this world take the decisions.. and rest everybody either works in order to make those decisions come alive or do nothing at all. I wholeheartedly wish I be one among those 5% ppl some day.. and even for that I don't have to hurt anybody.. don't have to snatch the piece of bread out of anybody's mouth, don't have to take the shelter from over a sleeping family, don't have to steal a smile from a baby's lips, don't have to sweep the colors of rainbow, don't have to limit the sky, above all don't have to let my soul rest in peace.. ever and forever.

Amen!!